Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Closer to Closer...

So as some of you may know, new behind-the-scenes footage of the "Closer" video has been unleashed on the Internets by the ETS folks--like a ridiculous amount of footage, 5 hours worth! Iris has been diligently downloading for DAYS now, and soon we will be in possession of all 300 glorious gothy minutes, but for now, the first four minutes can be found on YouTube, thusly:

In case you're not sure whether you should dedicate four minutes of your life to watching this video, allow me to provide color commentary:

0:02--The bald guy appears to be very personable but is still creepy.

0:08--I bet that female crew member LOVES that footage has been released revealing her butt crack. Where exactly is our cameraperson? Under a chair?

0:19--Someone is spray-painting the side of beef behind Trent.

0:39--Mmmm, Trent. Trent at his single most fuckable moment, wearing the single most fuckable leather jacket in the history of leather jackets (sorry, Dan!). OMG, he has such Pantene hair in this video! Does he realize that someone is filming him while hiding under a chair? Will he forget and absentmindedly pick his nose or scratch his balls?

1:08--Another crew member's ass. No crack visible.

1:15--The words "Nine Inch Nails" flash across the screen. Just in case you've forgotten what you're watching.

1:22--OMG, those leather pants are fucking hot too.

1:33--Trent begins to rotate on turntable thing. His arms are crossed uncomfortably behind his back.

1:42--Trent grins like a goof.

1:54--Trent is still spinning...I'd probably eventually barf on this turntable. Speaking of barfing, of which I have a major phobia, Iris and I shared this conversation on the subject:

Maise: I think Trent DID barf while making this video...I hope they don't show that.

Iris: well i can preview it for you and tell you what to avoid if they show it

Maise: Yes, please!

Iris: or if there are sound effects

Maise: I mean, although Trent barfing would be hotter than anyone else barfing, it still would make me very unhappy.

Iris: LOL! that is the most fangirl thing i've EVER heard.

2:07--We get a shot of Trent's boots. I bet those took a long time to lace up.

2:18--Trent is lip-synching. I would have a hard time just lip-synching in front of a bunch of people. I'd probably keep trying to sing along. I very nearly made a stupid Milli Vanilli joke here, but you're lucky I didn't.

2:32--Trent paws at his hair in a tortured manner.

3:08--Trent lip-synching and spinning...

3:13 or 3:14--Trent seems to almost fall off the turntable.

3:19--Trent bends down in dramatic anguish or nausea.

4:03--Trent lip-synching and spinning. Maybe I'm projecting, but he looks like he's over it.

And there you have it folks...only 4 hours and 56 minutes to go! More to come, I'm sure...


maise said...

CORRECTION--after re-watching the footage while more awake, I've determined that the side of beef is not being spray-painted, but rather misted with water. Either to look more grotesque or to keep it fresh. I bet that really started to smell after a while, if that's actual beef.

Anonymous said...

It's a soy-based product.

Iris said...

Oh Maise I'm so glad for this write up. I needed to laugh today and re-reading it did the trick.

I think in the first Closer behind the scenes video they say that the "meat wings" were from real sides of beef and they got them on the cheap because they were already rotting. Same with the hog's head they used in the other shot.

I'm not real sure what to make of this first four minutes of video. Definitely makes me wonder if the rest of it's going to be all from the stalker cam POV. I swear with camera skills like this I wouldn't be surprised if this guy/gal had something to do with that clusterfuck of a movie Cloverfield.

Iris said...

*giggle, snort*

Pantene hair

pawing at his hair in a tortured manner

bending down in dramatic anguish

Also was 90's fashion still that bad? Trent looks great but the guy sitting next to the fire extinguisher in the white, shorty, shorts and the Keds...damn man.

maise said...

OMFG, did Rob Sheridan actually produce something CUTE?

Zeemort said...

Closer is pretty much my favourite video in the whole world ever (EVER)

I have a mad raging ladyboner for steampunk, biology, francis bacon (and obviously Trent), I don't think it could be any better

I mean unless Christian Bale was in it.

I don't think I'll be getting the 5 hours of behind-the-scenes footage. The "Making Of.." video was ace but I dunno if I could sit through five hours of Voyeur Cam. :X

Anonymous said...

Ladyboner is the name of my old band. Way to rip me off, Zee.

The name of my band shall henceforth be Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

BTW, we had a Christian Bale look-a-like in L@DYBONER. He won contests and stuff.

maise said...

Anonymous, did you have constant sex with this Christian Bale lookalike? I probably would, if I knew one.

Anonymous said...

That's not how L@DYBONER rolled, if you know what I mean.

D:ANGEL said...

Angelwoman has helped the real Christian Bale at her work.

She called him Batman.

True story.

She prefers Paul Rudd, though, looks-wise.

maise said...

Lucky Angelwoman!

Paul Rudd would be hot in any normal setting, but if we're talking about the looks of movie stars, he rates a "Meh."

D:ANGEL said...

So wait, if PAUL RUDD is only Meh what does that make everyone else?

Anonymous said...

Whoa, that's weird. Paul Rudd's cousin was L@DYBONER's manager's neighbor.

I agree, though, meh is right.

D:ANGEL said...

Whatever, if Paul Rudd came up to you on the street, you'd all get dreamy eyes.

Anonymous said...

In the looks department, the members of L@DYBONER always fancied Clay Aiken. Now THAT man knows how to work a flat iron!

D:ANGEL said...

The phrase "members of L@DYBONER" is redundant.

maise said...

I'm just saying, Dan, that if you put up Paul Rudd vs. Ewan McGregor, it wouldn't be a contest. Paul Rudd = "meh"

D:ANGEL said...

That's a fine distinction to draw.

Especially considering the genral (lack of) attractiveness of the rest of the non-Rudd, non-MacGregor world.

Anonymous said...

How dare you Angeljerk. I don't even *have* eyes!

Eff ewe.

D:ANGEL said...

"In the looks department, the members of L@DYBONER always fancied Clay Aiken."

I have caught you in a LIE, anonymous.

Although, if you fancy Clay Aiken, perhaps you are at least legally blind.

Anonymous said...

You may also note that I mention is wonderfully flat ironed hair as the attraction (the mane attraction!).

If you can't see, then it's all about the texture, baby.

So, yeah, where you gonna go cry to now?

D:ANGEL said...

I'll probably cry to Paul Rudd.

Iris said...

HOORAY! Download complete!

All this talk of Paul Rudd...I honestly had to Google him because I couldn't think of anything he'd been in. I did find out back in the day he did a Super Nintendo commercial and I have to say I felt slightly aged because I remember watching it when it originally aired.

Watching some of this Closer video (20mins in) and the it seems the first four minutes are the most you see Trent so far. But good news is that it's not all filmed from under the table.

D:ANGEL said...

Currently Absorbing:

Animal Rights: Current Debates and New Directions

Anonymous said...

So, who else is voting for McCain?

It's time to get this party STARTED!

D:ANGEL said...

No one here is voting for McCain, and even if they did, he will still lose by a considerable margin.

Obama would have to blow it on an unprecedented scale to lose this.

Of course Obama is the beneficiary of having the outgoing prez presiding over a bad economy, which always makes undecided/sway-able peoples vote for the opposite party.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
maise said...

Dude, JR, if you vote for McCain, you might as well pledge to have an unwanted child for the GOP.

Anonymous said...

What the H does that even mean?

maise said...

It means that you will have no control over your uterus if the Republicans get their way.

maise said...

So the Ladytron concert was excellent, but unfortunately, concert security were NAZIS about the "no cameras" policy. So we'll have a review up soon, but sadly, not much in the way of audio-visual goodies.