Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Most Awesomely Bad Music Videos of All Time: 1st Edition...

Hi there, everyone!

There is still nothing interesting going on in music, unless you count the fact that Trent Reznor has shown us that he has multiple greyhounds too. (See, [Trent_Still_Reads]!)

See, he's even got an Italian greyhound on the couch...hardy har.

Oh, and he's working on the follow-up to Year Zero or something. Here you can watch Alessandro make a piano sound like a Vegas slot machine.

Anyhoo, I thought it would be fun to revisit some bad, bad music videos of yesteryear. And you guys can post nominations of your own!

Now, the video in question can't just be has to be awesomely bad. It has to have *some* redeeming quality to its badness.

Here's my first candidate:

"Separate Ways" by Journey

What makes this video awesomely bad? First of all, it's got to be the most low-rent video ever made by a wildly popular (at the time) arena rock band. What is this location? "Hey, Steve Perry, my cousin says we can film behind his warehouse, on like a Sunday or something, when no one's there." At the beginning of the video, you're slightly worried that they didn't have money for instruments, but then they magically appear...via a CAMERA TRICK! There are many of these sorts of CAMERA TRICKS in this video, so watch out!

The icy-hearted love interest has a killer wardrobe: white pumps, pantyhose, black leather skirt, white jacket, long dangly earrings, and really big hair. She walks a lot in this video, completely disregarding lead singer Steve Perry's desperate emoting.

The band look no less impressive in this video. All forms of unfortunate 80s fashion have been brought to the table. Most of Journey's members are sporting mullets, and one even has his mullet permed. There are tight jeans, aviator sunglasses, goofy t-shirts, collars turned up on denim jackets, sportcoats worn with t-shirts and jeans, and porn mustaches. Oh, and they have the most retarded-looking bass guitar I've ever seen.

So there's not a lot going on in this video, re: location, special effects, storyline, wardrobe. But we do have Steve Perry gesticulating dramatically. You can FEEL the anguish. This is also definitely Journey's best song, although "Don't Stop Believing" comes close. And that is what elevates this video from being merely bad to awesomely bad. It's like a little time capsule from 1983...all the things we wanted to forget about 1983, that is.

Any other nominations? Future posts will be dedicated to the most awesomely bad of the bunch.


Iris said...

Without even being able to _watch_ this video I already know _exactly_ which one you're refering to, Maise. My favorite band member in this one is the Jeff Foxworthy look-alike.

I'll have to scour the internet for bad videos as soon as my internet comes back up. A stupid ice storm has wiped out nearly everything out here. -bah-

And are we going to allow "Deep" or is that one just too easy?

maise said...

Oh, I think we could devote some time to "Deep."

Also, we can't avoid "Dancing In the Streets"--the Mick Jagger and David Bowie version.

pokeydots said...

Iris said...

Ahh...internet is back and normality is restored.

Pokeydots those are great! Way to come out swinging.

maise said...

Great job, Pokey!

The Prodigy video is so on the list...I feel so skeeved out right now. Also, that video is like a horror movie for vegans.

The Paul Anka thing made me positively nauseated after about five seconds, but I'm not sure that it counts as a music video.

The Osmonds Where on earth did you find that?

I must, however, disagree with your inclusion of the Leonard Cohen video. Sure, it's strange and a little disturbing, but I'd classify it as surrealist, not *bad*.'s Leonard Cohen, and he can do no wrong.

pokeydots said...

OK, I'm hooked-

I first saw the Osmond video on WFMU's blog ( several months ago. The best/worst part of that Prodigy video was the cow mounting another cow. Gotta say that Paul Anka still has his pipes but maybe should stick with his music genre. Could not figure out the big white heads in Leonard's video although I love that song.

maise said...

Wow, Pokey, that's fantastic!

Meanwhile, I thought of one last night that absolutely must be reviewed here, AND it looks like I'm going to see Ozzy Osbourne on Sunday evening (free tickets).

Rock on!

Iris said...

BWAH-HA-HA! It's THE HOFF! The special effects in that video are stellar!

You watched that whole Prodigy video and the cow mounting was what bothered you the most? I don't know a lot about dairy farming but I'm pretty sure those milking girls' "outfits" aren't the standard issue...or at least not around here anyways.

And what's so wrong with the Osmond's video? Those dance moves are kickin'.

pokeydots said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Iris said...

Glow-in-the-dark pussy...who'd a thunk it?

pokeydots said...

Crap! I can't figure out how to do an HTML link!

I've decided to advocate on the behalf of cows and the animal kingdom now that they have cloned kittens that glow in the dark. In a couple of months, it will be glow in the dark dogs then glow in the dark strawberry milk for the kiddies.

pokeydots said...

Iris - don't give The Prodigy any ideas for upcoming videos!

Zeemort said...

The beginning of that prodigy video was looking pretty cool. And then the cows. Fffff.
I'd forgotten what a mad crush I had on Maxim Reality.

Some submissions of me own;
Just... the dolphins.
I'm not sure whether I prefer the 3D or the unnecessary false-colour.

Iris said...

try this

maise said...

LOL, Dire Strait's "Money for Nothing!" Dude, that animation was CUTTING-EDGE back in the day!

Iris said...

Ha! So who wants to date themselves and admit to being able to remember when the "Money for Nothing" video came out on MTV?

And I have a theory on the dolphins in the 10 minute long Estranged video (seriously Axl? 10 MINUTES?). Axl Rose is the Dr. Doolittle of the dolphin kingdom and this is his tribute to his Flipper friends.

Zeemort said...

I've actually never watched the full version of Estranged. I don't think I can handle it yet.

I saw a 5 minute version on MTV2 once and that was enough.

Also I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest person here, Money for Nothing is some 4 years older than me.

emerald527 said...

If we're on the subject of "Money for Nothing," which I remember from my childhood, may I please direct your attention to a modern-day homage of sorts to said video: