Trent's Alternate Career Options #1...

Well, while you all are waiting for Iris and me to get our metaphorical shit together and review the terrific shows we witnessed at Lolla, and since you all are obsessed with Trent Reznor no matter what we intend to discuss, I figured that here might be a good place to discuss the question "What next?".

Sure, Trent talks about making more music and helping to change the way we buy and listen to music and maybe even putting together a "Year Zero" TV series, but we also think he should branch out into other areas while he's at it.

For example, my musical obsession, Trent, should consider a recurring role on my TV obsession, True Blood. How perfect would that be? He's hot enough to join the hotttttest male castmembers of all time, and it would bring him back to his once-adopted home of Louisiana, and people have thought he was a vampire for like 20 years now anyway.

For those of you unlucky enough not to have experienced this HBO serial masterpiece, True Blood follows the adventures of Sookie (Anna Paquin), a telepathic waitress in a small (but *very* eccentric) town in Louisiana. Vampires have "come out of the coffin" so to speak and have joined society, so there is lots of tension between the town's human and vampire residents. Sookie has a vampire boyfriend, Bill (Stephen Moyer), who has a hilarious Civil War-era accent and is prone to exclaiming, "SUH-kie!" when he's being all paternalistic and condescending like he usually is. She has a couple of other admirers: Sam (Sam Trammell), a shapeshifter who is not only super-hot as a man but turns into a DOG and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), an older, more powerful, volcanically hot Viking vampire who is pretty ruthless and manipulative but in recent episodes is also revealing his more vulnerable emotions. And that's not even getting into the half of it. All I can say is, if you enjoy your horror mixed with Southern gothic melodrama and humor and if you enjoy looking at attractive men, this show is for you. And I think it's right up Trent's alley.

See, wouldn't he fit in just perfectly here? (Although he'd probably have to gain a little weight for the part)



So to Alan Ball, Trent...make this happen! Especially if Trent would be able to say the line, "I'd like to make a withdrawal."

Lolla preview!

Wow, is it August already? How the hell did that happen?

In just a couple of days, I will clean the shit out of my house to make it habitable for Iris and Mr. Iris, and then we will set out on our yearly Lollapalooza marathon. So get prepared for reviews and photos and videos (maybe not all in a timely fashion, but eventually). I'm swamped at work presently, but I'll give you guys a cursory list of some of the acts I'm looking forward to:

1) The Builders and the Butchers: I instantly fell in love with this band when they opened for Amanda Palmer, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing them again. As I recall, they kind of sound like what would happen if Flogging Molly and Modest Mouse had a baby.



2) Ben Folds: I haven't paid much attention to him since his late '90s heyday, but he's always been an engaging storyteller with his music, and he did just produce Amanda Palmer's latest album, so maybe she gave him a few tips re: grinding against the piano.

3) The Decemberists: I can't decide whether their latest concept album, "The Hazards of Love" is the coolest thing ever or the most pretentious thing ever, but they're definitely worth checking out.

4) Peter Bjorn and John: Remember that "We don't care about the old folks" song that was on the radio a year or two back? That was pretty good.

5) Kings of Leon--I wouldn't mind seeing them, except we can't. Because they are scheduled against...

6) DEPECHE MODE! If Ro doesn't kill them with the previously mentioned Ro Curse, that is. God knows she's tried, with gastroenteritis and a malignant bladder tumor and torn ligaments. Why do you hate Dave Gahan, Ro? Why? I've been listening to "Sounds of the Universe" all summer, so in addition to the old favorites, I'm really looking forward to hearing "In Chains," "Wrong," and my ultimate FAVORITE from the album "In Sympathy." I'm not, however, looking forward to that part of "Peace" where either Martin or Dave gayly shouts, "It's an INEVITABILITY!!!"

7) Thenewno2: I don't know a thing about this band, really, but I've blogged about them before because they are fronted by Dhani Harrison, son and veritable clone of George Harrison, and how awesome is that? I'm really looking forward to finally seeing them in person.

8) TV on the Radio: This will be their second Lolla appearance, and I hope it will be as good as the first. I just remember being sort of entranced during this song:



9) Tool: Well, I'm not really looking forward to Tool. But my husband is! And I think the Irises are too. I probably would gladly have skipped them for the Beastie Boys, but alas, that was not meant to be. Get well soon, Adam Yauch!

10) Airborne Toxic Event: Gosh, I probably have downloaded a ton of albums before seeing these bands in concert, but I'll happily attend this band's set just to hear "Sometime Around Midnight."

11) Lou Reed: The man is a legend, and frankly, he has got some big shoes to fill after Iggy Pop's unforgettable, chaotic performance.

12) Neko Case: I'm not terribly familiar with her work, but she's a huge supporter of greyhounds! Anyone who is a friend to the greys is a friend of mine.

13) The Killers: Always entertaining, but I won't be able to see them because I'm saving my last Lolla show of 2009 for...

14) Jane's Addiction: Chicago didn't get a full NINJA show because JA was scheduled to play Lolla, the event that they started. Looking forward to Parry Farrell writhing like a snake and talking crazy and Dave Navarro running around without a shirt.

But really, more than any of these...I'm most looking forward to the bands I have yet to discover. The performances that make me an instant fan, move me to download the albums and have me singing along in my car the rest of the year.

More to come!

The Most Horrific NIN-Related Nightmare I've Ever Had...

Straight up, y'all.

So the other night, I dreamt that Iris and I were backstage at the Aragon, alone with Trent Reznor.

No, wait...it gets worse.

His new cause du jour was preventing STDs, so he was training Iris and me to administer these injections of vaccinated foam...up NIN fans' vaginas. Then he went out in the hallway to advertise these vaccinations, holding a singing fish in his arms.

That's when I woke up...horrified.

Oh, and by the way, we got our tickets for the last Chicago show, so I guess we can quit our bitching...

Some of You May Be Wondering...

How the Chicago NIN presale went for us.

A Maise and Iris Collaboration:

Perfect little scheme
The kind that screws scalpers
I got online at 5
So did Ro.
No one to blame
Always the same
Error message...
Reload
Reload
Reload
RELOAD...IT'S FUCKED!

It took time...to make me realize,
It took time...to make me realize,
It took time...to make me realize,
It took time...FUCK, I'll NEVER SEE THIS SITE

Smashed up my monitor
Smashed up my new keyboard
Smashed up my computer desk
Smashed up my love for Trent

Smashed up my Slip CD
Smashed up Downward Spiral too...
Gonna smash the whole collection
I don't know what else I should do

Filled up with hope...got my credit card
Still cannot get to Music Today
Watching the site, thought I was in line,
Now watching it FAIL. the server's in a systematic decline
Oh the fans! Trent, you betray
If he gave me tickets, I'd throw them away
After everything I've spent, my husband asks "Aren't you done yet?"

Smashed up my monitor
Smashed up my new keyboard
Smashed up my computer desk
Smashed up my love for Trent

Smashed up my Slip CD
Smashed up Downward Spiral too...
Gonna smash the whole collection
I don't know what else I should do

I tried...
And I gave up
Ro tried...
And she gave up
Iris tried...
And she gave up...
We tried...
AND WE GAVE UP!!!!!

Smashed up my monitor
Smashed up my new keyboard
Smashed up my computer desk
Smashed up my love for Trent

Smashed up my Slip CD
Smashed up Downward Spiral too...
Gonna smash the whole collection
I don't know what else I should do

Throw the tix away!
Throw them AWAY!!!!!

RIP Eric De La Cruz

Rest in peace, Eric. We know you're in a place with no pain, illness, or sorrow. We didn't know you, of course, but we were touched and amazed by the ferocity and love and devotion your family displayed as they fought for your life. We would like to thank you for waking people up to the dire state of health care in the U.S. It's a uniquely American tragedy, isn't it? The way that a country with so much--more than enough for everyone--allows so many to go without. But we also thank you for inspiring people to give a little to someone in need.

Here's to your life and to keeping up the fight for change!

I'm Not Sure If You've Heard...

But Michael Jackson has passed away at the age of 50.

The media frenzy (reminiscent of Princess Diana's funeral) is at once baffling, in the face of much more important issues--Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq, U.S. health care, etc. But the constant coverage and over-the-top spectacle are certainly predictable, if not understandable. It was a bit of a shock, and aren't we all just the tiniest bit curious? What made this strange, sad man suddenly drop dead? Are we finally going to get the exclusive, tell-all details? Of course, it's all none of our business, and the tabloid-consuming public is complicit in many ways in his ultimate madness and downfall, I'm sure. But if you're my age, Michael Jackson most likely meant something to you at some point in your childhood. And you may find it's still possible to love the old hits while watching in dismay as his face corroded and he was accused of molesting CHILDREN, for Christ's sake.

I am of an age where Michael Jackson was one of my first celebrity crushes--I was about seven or eight years old when "Billie Jean" and "Beat It" were all the rage. My best childhood friend--the neighbor boy next door--had Michael Jackson albums that we would listen to religiously after school. He was grounded once when a nun caught him trying to moonwalk out of church. I remember being at the baby shower of a family friend when the "Thriller" video premiered and how everyone at this baby shower--young and old alike--stopped everything just to watch this video. I remember watching MTV for hours, waiting for Michael Jackson videos to play. ("Darn it, it's just Prince again.") I loved his infectious pop songs, his dancing (before all the crotch-grabbing), his singing (before all the interjections of "SHAMON!"), his sense of style that had everyone looking insane in the 80s, emulating him with single white gloves and "Beat It" and "Thriller" jackets. So much childhood can be conjured up just by listening to those songs.

And then there was the realization that my peers and I had left childhood behind, but Michael never had. This man grew older and stranger-looking and clung to tree-climbing and amusement parks and petting zoos, which I guess wouldn't have been so awful if it weren't for the "slumber parties" that were frankly sinister. He had been robbed of his innocence long ago and didn't understand that you can't recreate it. He didn't understand that LOTS of people are robbed of an idyllic childhood yet turn out okay, because he had lived his *entire life* in a narcissistic celebrity bubble. And although I can't say for certain what went on behind closed doors, he may have damaged some children along the way. Or even damaged them by association...once molestation charges are levied, how do you think other kids and adults would react by finding out you hung out at Neverland...even if nothing had actually happened? I certainly hope that none of it was ever true, but his legacy will never shake those suspicions.

A lot of the tributes and public mourning are totally hypocritical. All of the current stars wailing about Michael Jackson's music and legacy--I don't remember a lot of them sitting at the feet of their master in recent years. All of the news stations covering his death and funeral arrangements 24-7...these were the same media figures that reveled in his bizarre antics.

When I think of Michael Jackson, I reflect on the sadness of his life...a young boy abused, a great talent exploited, a beautiful black face willingly mutilated. But I can't give myself over to hysterical mourning because well, a) I never knew him and b) I feel uncomfortable lionizing someone who may have left child victims in his wake. I guess the kindest thing to do is to try to remember the good about him, to remember him in his prime, when he really was the King of Pop, when I thought he was totally, totally cute.

Remember him like this:

Dear_Trent_#_42

Dear Trent,

Deirdre here. I've been... well, let's say "out of commission" for awhile now, but I felt like it was time for the former president of the Girls Who Love Trent Club to come forward and say a few words in view of it being the end of the road for Nine Inch Nails, and your impending nuptials and the way you're so hassled by haters these days.

Fucking haters. Seriously. Where do these (apparently often fat) bitches get off? Don't they know that if they really, really loved you, like I do, they could never do anything but wish you joy in all your future endeavors? I've never actually seen or heard what kinds of things these members of "the community" have to say, but I just think you should know that not all girls who love you are hateful, plus-size lying whores; or for that matter, would even be WILLING to fuck you if you offered, let alone saddling up and then telling the whole internets about (real or fictional) cocks-of-rock cowboy stories. Some of us girls who love you (and have known the self-righteous hatertude of all the people who are so much better at being NIN fans than we ever were, since they are serious people who don't love you, and know all about synths and shit) have only ever wished you all the love in the world and a lifetime of satisfying work.

What I'm trying to say, Sparklepants, is remember back in the salad days of wearingthesechains.com when I told you that my love would always be true, that my heart would always throb your name, and that you'd always be inside me, like, forever? Well, nothing has changed; it's still true, and shall ever be. I'll always remember the times when your awesome rockshow spoke it's secret language to me, making me stronger and better able to be me without compromising, and helped me fight on, just like I'll never forget the way you brought new meaning to the words "Jesus motherfucking Christ, that guy is smoking hot, look at his TEETH!"

But, does that mean, as some might ask, that now I must mourn the fact that you have found love, and can't keep it in? Did I rend my garments upon learning that you are officially off the market, and that love now calls YOU to shout it from the rooftops? Of course not! I mean, let's face it: wherever you were ON the market, I never shopped there, but more importantly, my dear, dear Trent, I love to hear it! It makes me feel closer to you than ever before because finally: you know how I felt about you.

Just let me know, darling, if you want me to give you away at the wedding. I'm ready!

Love and kisses forever and ever,
Dierdre

PS. Regarding the haters who apparently speak louder than all the love: go home and meditate or something, baby; they aren't worth the angst. Fuck 'em!