Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Viva Las Vegas!

Hi, everyone! If I've been quiet lately, it's certainly not because I don't love you. Mr. Maise and i joined some friends in attending a wedding in Las Vegas this past weekend, and I was in Sin City from last Wednesday to this past Sunday. I would have liked to have been Places Parallel's very own MTV Video Music Awards correspondent, but this proved impossible for four reasons: 1) I'm neither rich nor famous enough to be able to afford to even walk into the places where all the celebrities are staying; 2) my pesky sinuses and my husband's severe hangover prevented us from doing any celebrity hunting on Saturday night; 3) we were leaving Las Vegas early on Sunday, well before the festivities; 4) unlike Kanye West, I couldn't be bothered to give a flying fuck about the VMAs.

But the trip was not without its highlights. The first night, the front desk attendant at Bally's informed us that she did not have a nonsmoking room available, so they offered us a suite for a night. This hotel room was approximately the size of my last apartment. Perhaps larger. It had about seven million couches, a kitchen, a dining room area, an exercise bike, a steam shower, and a whirlpool tub approximately the size of my current master bathroom. It's too bad that we didn't have such accommodations the entire trip, as we could have hosted my friend's wedding reception in there easily.

On Thursday evening, I met up with some friends at Harrah's, and we spent an inordinate amount of time having hilariously inappropriate conversations while sitting at a table in the buffet. Then the husband and I went to dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Chinois (quick verdict: his Postrio restaurant in the Venetian is better) and went to see The Beatles: Love at the Mirage. For those who are unaware, Love is a Cirque du Soleil show set to a specially remixed Beatles soundtrack, and it is fantastic. The music is absolute perfection, the acrobatics and special effects are mesmerizing, and I have to admit that I got a little misty at the end, when we see some filmed footage of the Fab Four. (Confession: George Harrison is only one of two celebrities for whom I have cried upon his/her death. The Crocodile Hunter is the other one.) My husband is not a huge Beatles fan, and he has no patience for the normal Cirque du Soleil artiness, but he loved this show, and I would recommend it strongly to just about anyone on the planet. If it tours, you'd better believe that I would see it again, and I would be strongly tempted to see it again the next time I wind up in Vegas. Afterwards, the husband and I met up for dessert with our very own Ro, who happened to be vacationing with her family, and we talked until the husband was ready to fall asleep at the table.

We had the wedding to go to on Friday, and what a lovely ceremony it was! Notable events included the DJ being fired in the middle of the reception and his subsequent drama and my participating in a "Soul Train line"...badly. Afterwards, the husband and I drank entirely too much, which led to the best gambling moment ever. We were walking out of a fabulous bar, Red Square, in Mandalay Bay, and I drunkenly announced, "I want to play the BIG slot machine!", referring to those enormous slot machines the size of a pickup truck that everyone plays as a novelty. My husband indulged me and gave me five dollars to bet, whereupon I immediately won $90. Gambling and winning is so much more fun when you're drunk and have no idea what's going on. The husband and I partied like rock stars that night, and I didn't get to bed til 4:30 a.m.

But I couldn't sleep in the following morning, as I had a spa appointment. The seaweed goop that was smeared all over me during my "cocoon" wrap allegedly helped me to detox, while my husband detoxed the hard way...with a nasty hangover. Later that evening, I managed to contract a nasty sinus infection, so it was a much quieter night in, and as I mentioned earlier, I couldn't stalk Paris Hilton or whoever the fuck was supposed to be in town that night.

And that's about it...Saturday was followed by an uneventful trip home on Sunday, except my sinuses were killing me the entire time, and the pain was compounded by the changes in pressure. I couldn't pop my ears properly and still feel partially deaf today. We didn't get home til about 10:30 p.m., so I couldn't even see those stupid VMAs.

But I will comment briefly on the only VMA-related topic worth mentioning...the fact that despite all my Schadenfreude tendencies, especially where the rich and beautiful females are concerned, I can't help but feel sympathy for Britney Spears. And it's like, yeah, she's not terribly talented, and she has way too much money and is making a trainwreck of her personal life and has a terrible weave and doesn't have the body of her youth but still runs around in public in a bra and panties (or no panties, depending) and just in general makes terrible, terrible choices...but I just hate the way that everyone piles up on her all the time. Of course her career is falling apart...she can't be sold as the barely legal sexpot anymore, and there's a whole crowd of barely legal sexpots to take her place. Yeah, her performance and that song sucked, but does that mean she deserves to have Sarah Silverman gloating nasally about her failure in the same freaking building?

Clearly, the woman needs Tim Gunn. Don't we all? But it's just so frustrating that someone like Britney manages to make herself look so unflattering all the time. She may not have "the perfect body" these days, but if she just dressed herself well, we'd hardly notice it. And shit, my friend the bride had a better weave than Britney did. And Britney has about 17 gazillion dollars. Why???

Anyone else here feel sorry for Britney, or are there just vast wells of Britney hate out there? Also, how was YOUR weekend?


Isabel said...

I really enjoyed your post as I love Vegas - my husband and I got married in the garden at the Tropicana in 2004 (and we're from the UK) - just had close family out there. You could spend days just walking the hotels. Great memories.

You do wonder why noone was there to just say to Britney, that does not look good on you. Is there someone with a grudge in her entourage?

Iris said...

I've haven't been to Vegas yet but we'll get there one of these days. Vegas was actually where I wanted to get married at since I'm not a big muss and fuss type girl about those things. It didn't happen that way but I still love our courthouse wedding story (not a shotgun wedding if anyone's curious).

Ugg...poor Britney. I wish she could pull her shit together. I actually like the new song. Sure it's way overproduced and the amount of her own "talent" on it is nil but it still makes you move.

Iris said...

Oooh! A new ULTH song. Be sure to check it out guys!

Dammit I'm late for work. Again.

maise said...

Seriously, ULTH is better than anything broadcast on MTV this weekend. The new song rocks...good job, bcb!

Danny Angel said...

I hate Vegas.

I don't like "shows" I don't like gambling and I don't like people. And try eating Vegan in Vegas. Possible... but not easy.

Me and my girl had to go there twice this year for other people's weddings - in June (that translates into UNGODLY hot).

One of them was my girl's old roommate who works at a club taking photos. He suggested we come out and meet the DJ so we did. While we were standing up on the DJ platform, one of the model-esque girls who works at the club as a dancer (she is in a bra and panties) comes over and says to him "who's this?" (referring to me) I say high I'm Danny Angel aka The Angelman and extend my hand to shake hers. She instead grabs it, rubs it on her tits and starts to pull me out on to the dance platform - right in front of my girlfriend at which which point I pull her back and say "you are gonna get me in a LOT of trouble!" Finally she lets go. It is funny how something like that when I was single and 25 would have been "Awesome" and instead at 33 and practically married it was "really fucking awkward." That's my Vegas story. Oh - and lots of drinking and sweating.

I'd tell you about the time bcb and I wnet to Vegas but I KNOW that story is off-limits. Two words: DEAD HOOKER.

As for Britney - good riddance. You know would have kept Sara Silverman off her back? Caring about her performance enough to nail it. Hard work. Come on - for Britney this was a golden opportunity to do really come out and knock people on their ass and she obviously didn't care about rehearsal, or performance or music. Her 15 minutes as an "artist" eneded years ago... time for her to get back to being tabloid fodder. Or maybe she could focus on being a good mom to those two kids and cleaning up her act, which, depending on who you believe, needs some SERIOUS cleaning up.

maise said...

Dan, are you one of those guys who gets cranky in the heat?

I could see how you'd be kind of SOL eating-wise there, though. Maybe you should open up a super-posh vegan restaurant out in Vegas. It might work. By the end of the trip, even I was jonesing for something not super-rich and just some good old veggies.

As for Britney, well, I agree that she totally fucked herself and squandered her opportunity for a comeback with a lackluster performance. I just get really uncomfortable with all the vultures circling around her.

I think MTV knew she'd fuck it up and put her on to generate controversy, tabloid fodder, etc.

Again, I have a certain amount of sympathy for her. She was whored at a very early age and has had absolutely no opportunity to live any semblance of a normal life.

Anonymous said...

Maise, for Christ's sake, just say you IDENTIFY with Britney, already. Stop making us read between the lines.

I mean, it must be hard to live a normal life after spending your youth under the bright studio lights filming those Hershey's chocolate syrup and Kraft macaroni & cheese ads. Even harder still to live a "normal" life now, right?

maise said...

I don't like to talk about that.

Danny Angel said...

It's not just the heat that makes me cranky these days... I think it is breathing.

Iris said...

Same here Danny A. My allergies are trying to fucking kill me this year. Nothing Benadryl can't fix but still I'm so tired of being in a medicine fog all the time, although my productivity has gone up at work. Not sure what that means other than I have to be drugged to tolerate the pencil pushing. I know "bitch, bitch, bitch” who doesn't hate their job, right? I don’t really want to get into it too much but today was a new brand of torture.

Lavender said...

Brittany is fucked. I feel sorry for those poor kids. They are going to be more fucked up than Michael Jackson's.

Man, I wish I had the balls to fire my DJ mid-reception. What a waste of money that was. You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm *really* not trying to shamelessly drive traffic to my blog, but if you want to talk work craziness, seriously, check out the latest post on JR. Really.

maise said...

Lavender, my newly married friend is all woman, but she certainly has the balls! The DJ lost their custom-made CDs before the wedding and then proceeded to play the cheesiest, slowest party-killing love songs while doing his lounge lizard act. ["Cherish the love we have..."] So he was replaced mid-reception with her sister's ipod, which I have to admit, was worlds better. He was not very happy about it, which made for some amusing drama, but too freaking bad.

JR, I will be heading over shortly...

Tigs said...

I'm also from the UK and got married in Vegas, under the Arch Rock in the Valley of Fire and I love the place.

As for Britney, there are still women out there who would kill to look like her even though she's not the slim star she was. I really do think she needs to get a new stylist!

Danny Angel said...

The point, my friends is not that Britney is fat... but consider this:

If you got out on stage dressed like an 18 year old club whore and you are not in KILLER shape - expect to be given shit. If people were calling her fat when she was wearing regular clothes on the street with her kids you might have a point. If you open the VMAs in a bikini and there is some loose-ness - EXPECT SHIT.

2) Women defending Britney is so lame. If she ever met you she would treat you like shit because she is a rich, spoiled bitch.

I know, it must be tough to drink all day and be the fantasy of 50 year old men who like young girls but come on...

Now excuse me while I have some soda from our TOTALLY AWESOME old style office fountain.

Anonymous said...

Angelman is right (again)--I wouldn't call Britney fat, but she doesn't look as good as she used to and I think it's agreed that outfit was a bad choice. You can't wear that looking like that and expect to go under the radar.

Her dancing, however--TOP NOTCH.

Oh, and say goodbye to Angelman, everyone--I have a feeling the secret soda police are going to be paying him a visit tonight for his transgression, and his soda hand...I mean, typing hand...might be out of commission for a while.

Anonymous said...

MTV hasn't been worth my time since I was 12. Except now they have America's Next Top Model reruns, which is cool. I watch those every once in a while.

So yeah, I didn't watch the VMAs. I've seen some of those pics of Ms. Spears, and I have to say that I was a little pissed off reading some of the comments calling her, in so many words, "fat." She's had two kids; her body's not going to look like the "virgin" 17 year old it once was. Given, the outfit wasn't the best of choices, but come on! What's up with all this holier than thou shit? The way some people wait for a certain celebrity to mess up so they can gloat about how the celebrities have fallen from grace like I even gave a fuck about the celeb in the first place! Is this really news worthy?

Though, because of all the negative things that are being written/said about her, I really do feel sorry for her. I don't like her, but I don't dislike her either. I don't know her, so how can I feel one way or another about her? What was it Gandhi said? "Hate the sin, love the sinner."

I give a one-finger salute to anyone who says any negative things about Ms. Spears. :p


Danny Angel said...

See I don't get this.

For the record, before I begin my rant, I didn't watch the VMAs and if it weren't for my job I would know nothing about Britney or any other pop star.

Also - no, this is not newsworthy. For PP, a music site, OK, but on CNN? Fuck off.

Here's my thing: I always talk about my abs here - so lets say I send in a pic of me to PP and I have a soft belly - still a "man's body" but not all ripped up... I WOULD EXPECT TO GET SHIT. Why? Because I presented myself one way and delievered another thing. Britney comes out in a bikini and looks good, but a little soft... she sold sex and delivered the body of a girl who has had two kids and hasn't worked out like a madwoman to get it back. HENCE, SHE GETS SHIT.


The thing I think girls do is identify with her like she's a normal person - "I feel bad because if that were me I...." But that IS NOT YOU. She is rich. She parties all day and night and if you met her face to face she would dis your ass SO hard so don't act like she's regular people. If she wasn't this rich bitch party girl I would cut her some slack but screw that. If the wolves want her they can have her.

Maise and Iris can probably sing better than her - where is there millions?

I have no use for people like her. If Gandhi were alive even he would call her fat, just for fun.

Lavender said...

I just foolishly wasted my time and checked out Brittany's performance on the VMA's. I'm sure you are not surprised that I couldn't get through the whole thing. As PP's self-proclaimed favorite feminist, I would like to offer Ms. Spears this profound bit 'o wisdom: Put that shit away.

I happen to adore Sara Silverman and enjoyed her brief appearance very much.

L'shanah tovah everyone!

Anonymous said...

I watched the VMAs just to see Brit's performance. I wasn't sure whether it would be good or bad (I was actually hoping it would be worse than it was), but I knew it'd be newsworthy and I couldn't wait 15 minutes to see it on YouTube. So I tuned in.

Angelman, are you really Perez Hilton? You wouldn't know about all of this if it weren't for your job...you love soda...you were a kooky disguise and no one knows your true hair color...

Tigs said...

Have to say I agree with Angelman as far as Britney is concerned. If you're going to wear a sparkly black bikini then for Gods sake make sure the flab isn't hanging out otherwise don't be surprised when everyone points fingers.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I just finished watching Britney's performance on youtube. It was... so-so. She looked like she was half way out of it; like she didn't want to be there. She wasn't really getting into the dancing. Plus, her lip-syncing was off at times. See, now those things are understandable to criticize or joke about them. But, to completely denigrate her as a person AND attack her appearance?

Angelman, the shit you would get at PP is nothing compared to the shit she's having to take. I can understand criticisms and jokes, but I can not understand making someone else feel like shit just to make one feel better about his/herself. You may say that in the "real world" this is what anyone can expect, but what does that say about the general population? Your comments such as "rich bitch party girl" and "if you met her face to face she would dis your ass SO hard" are just helping this kind of attitude to continue.

This is only a guess, but I think the reason Maise and Iris don't have any millions is because they weren't pimped out from an early age in the limelight by their parents trying to sell them to young preteen girls who would be sad enough to even want to emulate them and to men of all ages who would... well... you know.... Anywho, just a guess....

If Gandhi were alive, compared to him, everyone would be considered fat. Then, we would have to hear about all those models dropping dead on the runways from "dehydration." :p


maise said...

Oh, believe me, I'm not normally inclined to be sympathetic to the rich and beautiful and questionably talented. Just ask B.C., who insists that I have "issues." But something about the public crucifixion of Britney combined with the way she willingly gives herself up to this humiliation is kind of heartbreaking.

I mean, yeah, I'm mentally placing myself in her shoes without having any idea what actually goes on in her brain, but that's what empathy is. And even if she'd diss me in person, I've done my share of laughing at Britney. It's just that she's so clearly crying out for help but doesn't know what to do beyond playing "drunk slut" for the papparazzi. When she was on the VMAs, what I saw was a woman who kind of wanted to say "Fuck all of this" and yet craved the attention--to the point where negative attention is better than none at all. It's just sad.

The real trainwreck celebrities, like Britney and Lindsey Lohan...their crappy upbringing is perfectly obvious to all. Is it really surprising that they would think they need to flash their bald little coochies to the world to get attention? At what point in Britney's life was she EVER told that she was more than just a a sex symbol? When they dressed her up in a kinky little schoolgirl outfit at the age of 16?

I'm not arguing with the fact that Britney should have been more professional, that she's in charge of her own destiny and currently has way more opportunities than I ever will, all for making really shitty music and turning herself into a sex object. But on the other hand, she's only 25 years old with two kids she obviously wasn't ready for, getting divorced, being constantly scrutinized and ridiculed, with this masochistic attitude of, "Fine, you think I sucked at the VMA? Here's my vag again!"...is it wrong to wish that she'd eventually rise above all this and get her shit together?