Sunday, May 17, 2009

Happy Birthday, Trent!

It's not a Places Parallel greeting card without some homemade haikus!

Happy birthday, Trent!
You're finally forty-four.
Our boy's all grown up.

I would have written
these sooner, but it was a
beautiful day out.

Cause contrary to
popular belief, I do
have a life. Sorta.

But YOU'RE the birthday
boy, so we take a moment
to celebrate you.

We hope you've had an
awesome day, free of any
inconvenience.

We hope your minions
bought you some decent presents.
No Coldplay bullshit.

We hope your Twitter
was filled to capacity
with tweets of much love.

Are you in Vegas
or something? You could go see
some Cirque du Soleil.

Or maybe you could
have a spa day! You know, like
a manly spa day.

Hope your fiancee
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah barf.

Anyway, I just
want to extend some happy
wishes your way, Trent.

I'm sure Iris will
photoshop something awesome
when she gets the chance.

All comments in this
thread must be in haiku, or
they face deletion.

22 comments:

emerald527 said...

Happy birthday, Trent.
My birthday is in ten days.
(The age is in "Wish.")

Rob, I hear, called you
a butt pirate. Please don't kick
his ass for that joke.

As usual, Maise,
love the haiku. Glad to see
you on Twitter, too.

The stanza re:
She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named is
spot-on, yet tactful.

Iris better fire
up her compy and get to
'shoppin', already!

Anonymous said...

Happy 44th!
Disregard the whiny fans
Bitching for "Closer".

If they call you old,
Just rip their fucking cunts out.
That'll shut them up.

Iris said...

No photoshopping
for me anytime soon. Not
even TR's "soon".

My computer has
gone wonky & I haven't
the fixing know-how.

So happy birthday,
Trent. May your midlife crisis
pass swiftly. Umm...yeah.

Sorry guys. I'm just
lacking inspiration. It's
been a long weekend.

maise said...

Iris! This news is
devastating. Time to throw
your Vaio away.

I was hoping that
your issues would be resolved
already. But no.

Is your computer
completely kaputt? What will
become of our chats?

I had an upset
stomach tonight. I'm glad that
it has settled down.

JR said...

Ugh! These damn haikus
Just got a surprise email
From Eric Gaffney!

He's interested
In doing another show
Here at my venue

Though there is a chance
That my second protege
And I will present.

D:ANGEL said...

JR you are lame
Stop saying protege, NOW!
else, deletion comes.

Iris said...

She says protege
and I always think of car
commercials. Zoom, zoom.

JR said...

DA, I'm sorry,
This haiku format is tough
That's why "protege"

JR said...

Maybe I could have
Said "subordinate" or "men-
tee"; they're just as bad!

maise said...

I had the weirdest
dream about Metallica.
Ro and Iris and

I were backstage at
a concert being held at
a mall. James Hetfield

made some comment re:
being more comfortable,
and I asked him if

he normally wears
spandex, and he replied, in
all seriousness

that he did not have
spandex in enough colors.
Metallica was

also dissing Nine
Inch Nails, saying that Trent's last few albums weren't

good. But I have to
say that the Metallica
guys seemed nice enough.

For some reason, the
spacing on my haikus is
messing up. But be

assured, my counting
of haiku syllables on
my fingers is sound.

Isabel said...

Trent will you please not,
Give haters the oxygen
of publicity

Isabel said...

I am bored as hell
waiting in a two hour queue
to donate my blood

It is my worry
they will not stop draining me
I will be a husk

maise said...

Poor Trent! He seems to
have realized that his fans
are mostly assholes.

JR said...

Never before has
having too much to drink and
slapping felt so good.

maise said...

Anonymous was
deleted because that shit
wasn't in haiku.

maise said...

Heh heh. Thanks to Trent's
good deed of the day, he'll get
haiku in-person.

Isabel said...

maise do you mean that
you have paid to help this per-
son called Eric out?

maise said...

Places Parallel
is coming to the rescue.
We are getting psyched

up for what will most
likely be the single most
awkward encounter

with a rock star in
our lives, and we'll document
it all for you guys.

JR said...

?????
???????
?????

Isabel said...

http://store.nin.com/helperic/

Isabel said...

wow that is really
exciting, I'm psyched for you
now what will you say?

Isabel said...

I don't think I would
want to risk finding out that
trent was just a twat

i love the music
too much and finding this out
would ruin it for me