Maise the Twit

I had abandoned my Twitter account for about three years, feeling that I had lost interest in anyone's 140-character thoughts.  Plus, Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman seem to be hell-bent on killing the Internet with their INCESSANT CHATTER...OH MY GOD, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!  I admire and respect them both, but Jesus Christ almighty!!!  Do they ever just talk on the phone or have face-to-face conversations?  Do they watch TV or go to the grocery store?  Their inner monologues are just tweeted all day and all night!  The simple answer is that I should just "unfollow" them if I don't want that much exposure to them, but I kind of enjoy marveling at how they NEVER stop Tweeting.  I sort of love to hate them at this point.

Neil and Amanda, I'm a fan.  This comes out of love.  Consider creating a "mystique."  A quiet mystique behind which fans only get the tiniest glance.  When I fall in love with someone, I don't want to know EVERYTHING about that person all at once.  I want that person to be an onion of secrets, and I can gradually peel back the layers.  Not that onions are very sexy.  I just can't really think of anything else that comes off in layers like that.  Anyway.

So yesterday I was looking back at my own limited Twitter persona, and I realized, God, I'm kind of an asshole!  Especially to poor Trent Reznor.  When I have tweeted at him, look what I've written:

Maise ‏@maisedawg7 May 09

@trent_reznor Good job riling up the Prince fans. Now they're starting to invade our blog. The rabid Weezer fans will be next, I suppose.

Maise ‏@maisedawg11 May 09

@trent_reznor I'd like to bitch about my workload. Policing my blog for anti-you trolls doesn't help. 2 hrs of overtime and counting...

(This was around the time that Trent got engaged, and because we at Places Parallel were not permitting racist nastiness to be posted on our website about Mariqueen, Iris and I started to become the scapegoat for everyone's sexual frustration and broken dreams. So I was a little frustrated.)

Maise ‏@maisedawg10 Jun 09

@trent_reznor I think you should go back to terse nin.com updates. Like one cryptic sentence every two weeks for everyone to agonize over.

(See? Mystique.)

Maise ‏@maisedawg20 Jun 09

@trent_reznor Yes, it must be HORRIBLE to gallivant around Europe in the summer, being a rock star. This office-dwelling bitch feels you.

Maise ‏@maisedawg14 Oct 09

Wow, I had forgotten what it was like to be a Twitter addict. It's not quite the same without @trent_reznor's tantrums and troll-baiting.

And I wonder why he doesn't follow me!  But he's never told me to "fuck off," either, and he even gave Iris a hug with her L'Orangerie Stank shirt on.

So I'm a trouble-maker on the Internet.  And I probably will be until I get the cease-and-desist letter.  If I ever become creatively successful, someone may just harass me in the persona of my dead chinchilla, Rollo. That's karma, but I wouldn't mind too much. She always was sassy, with a dirty mouth.

Part 2: Aaaaand, I'm Back!

Bonus IM transcript from the other night:
(because it's fucking funny)

_________________________

Maise: Holy shit...they put up a signed, smashed NIN guitar for charity, and the current bid is $2500!

Iris: Whoa!

Maise: Oh barf, I think Aaron North signed this one.

Iris: Meh

Maise: It's kind of adorable how Trent draws the little NIN logo. Like, "Yeah, it's still an awesome logo."

Iris: lol. Can I just say I hate how he does it though.

I know you're in a rush TR, but would it kill you to make the box a proper rectangle? What's this rounded edges and random line shooting off?

Maise: LOL. It would be like if I tried to do it.

Iris: Well but after thousands and thousands of autographs I'd think he'd have it down by now.

Draw an L, draw another L. BAM! Rectangle.

But I suppose even that would be hard since he holds his autographing pens like he's got a monkey fist.

Maise: LOLOLOLOL! I didn't notice.

Iris: Did you ever see the video of him signing the first Ghosts package?

Maise: That's right. I'm really unobservant.

Iris: Not me man. I watched that a bunch of times. Like "aww...look at him signing MY copy!" ;)

Maise: LOLOLOLOL

Iris: I wish you had sound on your computer because that sigh he does as he reaches for the first book is just so loaded with meaning.

"-sigh- It's going to be a long fucking day."

Maise: Who taught him how to hold a pen?

He wasn't taught by nuns, I'll tell you that much. LOL

Iris: I'm telling you! MONKEY FIST!

Maise: What a weird way to hold a pen!

Iris: He holds it between his first finger and middle finger instead of first finger and thumb. Try writing anything like that. It feels so weird!

Maise: But vertically too.

Iris: And explains his penmanship so much.

Maise: I'm trying to recreate how he does this. He doesn't use his index finger at all. He writes with his thumb only. With the pen resting on the middle finger, I think.

That is WEIRD! The index finger curls around and doesn't do anything.It kind of does make you write like him a bit.

I don't know how he doesn't wind up with the marker all over his hand

Iris: lol. How many extra views did we just add to that video watching how he holds a pen?

Maise: No more than the girls who watch it in order to lick the screen.

Trent's Alternate Career Options #1...

Well, while you all are waiting for Iris and me to get our metaphorical shit together and review the terrific shows we witnessed at Lolla, and since you all are obsessed with Trent Reznor no matter what we intend to discuss, I figured that here might be a good place to discuss the question "What next?".

Sure, Trent talks about making more music and helping to change the way we buy and listen to music and maybe even putting together a "Year Zero" TV series, but we also think he should branch out into other areas while he's at it.

For example, my musical obsession, Trent, should consider a recurring role on my TV obsession, True Blood. How perfect would that be? He's hot enough to join the hotttttest male castmembers of all time, and it would bring him back to his once-adopted home of Louisiana, and people have thought he was a vampire for like 20 years now anyway.

For those of you unlucky enough not to have experienced this HBO serial masterpiece, True Blood follows the adventures of Sookie (Anna Paquin), a telepathic waitress in a small (but *very* eccentric) town in Louisiana. Vampires have "come out of the coffin" so to speak and have joined society, so there is lots of tension between the town's human and vampire residents. Sookie has a vampire boyfriend, Bill (Stephen Moyer), who has a hilarious Civil War-era accent and is prone to exclaiming, "SUH-kie!" when he's being all paternalistic and condescending like he usually is. She has a couple of other admirers: Sam (Sam Trammell), a shapeshifter who is not only super-hot as a man but turns into a DOG and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), an older, more powerful, volcanically hot Viking vampire who is pretty ruthless and manipulative but in recent episodes is also revealing his more vulnerable emotions. And that's not even getting into the half of it. All I can say is, if you enjoy your horror mixed with Southern gothic melodrama and humor and if you enjoy looking at attractive men, this show is for you. And I think it's right up Trent's alley.

See, wouldn't he fit in just perfectly here? (Although he'd probably have to gain a little weight for the part)



So to Alan Ball, Trent...make this happen! Especially if Trent would be able to say the line, "I'd like to make a withdrawal."

Trent Does a Good Deed! (And Will Probably Be Punished for It)

Okay, we can get out of haiku mode now. Unless you want to continue.

So if you keep up with Trent's Twitter, you are probably aware that he intends to be slightly less omnipresent online, due to the well-documented fact that his fans are assholes. But what I love about Trent is that, even with the constant online harassment, he still has faith in our better natures.

Trent has taken up the cause of Eric De La Cruz, who is in critical need of a heart transplant and is getting jerked around by the travesty known as U.S. health care. You can read more about Eric here, here, and here.

What Trent has decided to do is really pretty awesome. TR sez:

"Here's what we're offering - three options:

If you have a ticket to a NIN/JA show: if you donate $1,000 to this cause, we'll invite you to come hang out with us before the NIN/JA show of your choice. You and a guest can watch soundcheck, eat dinner backstage with us, take pics / get autographs and watch the show from the side of the stage if you'd like.

If you donate $300, you and a friend can join us for soundcheck and a handshaking / hug session before doors open at the NIN/JA show of your choice.

If you do NOT have a ticket to a NIN/JA show: if you donate $1,200 to this cause, we'll invite you to come hang out with us before the NIN/JA show of your choice and provide 2 tickets (best available). You and a guest can watch soundcheck, eat dinner backstage with us, take pics / get autographs and watch the show from the side of the stage if you'd like.

100% of the money collected from this will go directly to Eric's fund."

Currently, this deal is for North American NINJA tour dates, but it sounds like Trent is considering opening this up for European shows as well? Stay tuned!

If you don't have a lot of cash to spare, I do encourage you to do pick the "I want to help" option and donate $10 to this cause, as Eric's need is life-threatening and urgent.

Iris, Mr. Iris, Ro, and I have decided to go in on the slightly cheaper option, so Trent will be plagued by our presence at an upcoming soundcheck! I'm sure that my personal encounter with him will go something like this:

Maise: Hi, Trent.
Trent: Hi.
Maise: Thank you for doing this.
Trent: Thank you.
Maise: Um, I wrote you some haikus while waiting in line.
Trent: (looking for a garbage can) Uh, okay.
Maise: (calling after Trent who is walking away) IT'S ME, TRENT! IT'S MAISE! MAISE!
Trent: Um, security?

So let's build up a LOT of excitement for this special Places Parallel encounter, as I'm sure the actual meeting will be the most anti-climactic thing ever.

Oh, and if you too are hanging out backstage or at a soundcheck, we want to hear all about it!

Happy Birthday, Trent!

It's not a Places Parallel greeting card without some homemade haikus!

Happy birthday, Trent!
You're finally forty-four.
Our boy's all grown up.

I would have written
these sooner, but it was a
beautiful day out.

Cause contrary to
popular belief, I do
have a life. Sorta.

But YOU'RE the birthday
boy, so we take a moment
to celebrate you.

We hope you've had an
awesome day, free of any
inconvenience.

We hope your minions
bought you some decent presents.
No Coldplay bullshit.

We hope your Twitter
was filled to capacity
with tweets of much love.

Are you in Vegas
or something? You could go see
some Cirque du Soleil.

Or maybe you could
have a spa day! You know, like
a manly spa day.

Hope your fiancee
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah barf.

Anyway, I just
want to extend some happy
wishes your way, Trent.

I'm sure Iris will
photoshop something awesome
when she gets the chance.

All comments in this
thread must be in haiku, or
they face deletion.

Maise's Guide to Surviving Marriage--Lesson #1

Hi, everyone!

You know, I feel like in the midst of all the brouhaha, I've really come to terms with Trent's impending marriage. I know that many of our newer readers have not, so keep in mind that *all* personal attacks on the happy couple or Iris and me will be swiftly deleted. (sigh)

Anyway...

So Trent is 11 years older than me, and he has a lot more life experience than me. He knows a lot more about music and world travel and fame and what it's like to have a few million dollars. But one thing that I do know more about is marriage, having participated in the institution for nearly nine years now. So my engagement gift to Trent is to pass on some of the wisdom that I have gained all this time through trial and error.

Today I will pass on the first and foremost and most critical lesson for anyone getting married: LEARN WHEN TO KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.

This, I think, is the most difficult of all intimate relationship skills to master, but it is also the most valuable. Learning when to keep your fucking mouth shut can prevent bitter arguments or at least keep arguments from escalating. Now, some couples enjoy having blow-out fights on a regular basis, but I am not one of those. So learning when to keep my fucking mouth shut has really helped to keep the peace between Mr. Maise and me.

Some examples:

One of the things that drives me nuts about Mr. Maise is when he has a temper tantrum related to inanimate objects. (You hear me on this, Mariqueen?) Mr. Maise starts to get all shouty about home improvement projects or video games, and my blood pressure just skyrockets. My natural impulse at these times is to say something like, "Well, if the video game is stressing you out that fucking much, maybe you should turn it off for a while!" But that's when his anger at inanimate objects turns into anger at me, and then we both start shouting at each other, and doors slam, and we have to seethe silently for a while, then eventually someone will say something innocuous to try to make up. And these spats are occasionally inevitable, but if I just keep my fucking mouth shut at these times, his anger at inanimate objects passes more quickly than would his anger at me, so we don't have to waste a nice evening pouting.

Last night was the perfect example of when to keep one's fucking mouth shut. I was tidying up the kitchen while Mr. Maise was cooking. When Mr. Maise started to scrutinize my dishwasher-loading technique, I responded with severe aggravation, "Fine! God!" Then he snapped, "What?!" Then I shouted, "STOP MICROMANAGING ME!!!!" Then we had a few moments of annoyed silence, and the fight was over. But that was because Mr. Maise wisely kept his fucking mouth shut at that moment. Later, when we were both feeling more amiable, he chuckled to himself and admitted that at the moment I exclaimed, "STOP MICROMANAGING ME!" he wanted to reply, "But you're not doing it right!" If he had said that at that precise moment, this could all have ended in a stabbing. Instead, we had a good laugh about how a long marriage teaches you to censor yourself at critical moments.

Now, keeping your fucking mouth shut is not a panacea for all of a relationship's challenges. There are times when it's actually very important to open your fucking mouth about something. Like with sex complaints. Or if your spouse is about to be run over in the street by a runaway semi. It's knowing WHEN to speak that's the trickiest part...and the most important.

I'm sure there will be more installments in this series...does anyone else have any constructive relationship tips?

The Worst News of the Century...

The Hindenburg. The Titanic. The attack on Pearl Harbor. The day Trent Reznor got en...I can't even say it.

Look, people, I don't know what's what. I just got back from Hawaii with a sunburn and a stye on my right eyelid, and I swam with sharks and did all kinds of cool things. I come back to read a lot of inane Twittering, Trent wanting to beat people up by the flagpole at 3, Anonymi spouting hatred over shit that's really none of their business...

Oh wait, that's right...Trent Reznor's personal life is NONE of our business!

So it's not being discussed here. Nothing to see, people. Move along. If you start getting nasty and personal, you will be swiftly deleted, as was always the rule around these parts. God knows I don't need Trent trying to PHYSICALLY find me. Also, news and gossip of this nature interferes with my personal delusions, so I'm just going to ignore it.

Besides, we've always had plenty to discuss in the past without debating the merits of those in personal relationships with Trent: his music, his concerts, his online crabbiness, his killer fashion sense, how much Billy Corgan sucks, JR's job and fountain pop, Dan's favorite thrash bands, other random shit. Let's get to it.

Checking in with Places Parallel...

Well it's been another couple of weeks and a whole lotta nothing is still going on but I thought I'd drop back in to share what's been entertaining me thus far this weekend.

Trent's Digg Dialog interview
You can watch it as a whole here:

Or they've convienently split it up into the individual sections by question. Several questions were pertaining to the NIN business model / distribution methods, which I would normally be all over because the "how do they do that" facinates me, but I've got an attention span of a gnat these days and this interview is 40 minutes long. He gives good arms though. For those of you who would rather just skip to the good parts I recommend checking out "most embarrassing song on your ipod" and "is there tension between Rob and JMJ on Scientology". Oh and the "what are your favorite video games" just because Mr. Iris has turned me into a bit of a gamer.


Josh Freese's $20,000 solo album
So on March 24th, Josh Freese released his solo album called "Since 1972" along with a crazy pricing scheme. What's even crazier though is that one fan with too much disposable income / allowance bought the $20,000 version which included such things as "Maynard James Keenan, Mark Mothersbaugh from DEVO and I take you miniature golfing," "I write 2 songs about you," and "Drum lesson OR foot and back massage". No doubt it would be a pretty awesome experience but doesn't this kid know there's a recession going on? I contemplated the $50 version which included a personal phone call from Josh but decided to settle for the sensible $15 copy.  What would I really have to say to Josh Fucking Freese anyway?  Don't be weird about it?  I do have a Twitter friend who opted for the $250 copy and had lunch with the man and his girlfriend. I'm trying to get here to share her experience here with us.

Indigneous: "Broken Lands"

I bought the latest album from one of my very favorite blues-rock bands, Indigneous, and have had it on non-stop repeat all. day. long.  If you're not listening to this, you should be.  I've followed this band for several years but I'm always hesitant to buy new albums from them.  I have three and I've loved each individual one so intensely that I'm always afraid that their next one will hit that sour note or that their sound will change just enough that it won't move me.  So far, thank God, my fears have been unfounded.  Mato Nanji's voice is just so smooth and it absolutely slays me along with his guitar-playing.  Here's a live recording of "Come On Home" from their previous album, "Chasing the Sun".  The quality is a little rough but still... *swoon*

If things work out I just might be seeing them here in a few months. Fingers crossed!

That about wraps things up for me.  What has everyone else been up to?

'Almost Here' is the new 'Soon 'HERE NOW'

**MASSIVE EDIT**

So Trent has unleashed his gift upon the masses and HOLY SHIT, what a gift it is!

1.7.09: your gift!

The internet is full of surprises these days.

I was contacted by a mysterious, shadowy group of subversives who SOMEHOW managed to film a substantial amount (over 400 GB!) of raw, unedited HD footage from three separate complete shows of our Lights in the Sky tour. Security must have been lacking at these shows because the quality of the footage is excellent.

If any of you could find a LINK to that footage I'll bet some enterprising fans could assemble something pretty cool.

Oh yeah, you didn't hear this from me.

posted by trent reznor at 12:56pm

400GB! 400GB!!! As badly as I would love to have all this there's no way I would be capable of downloading that much content or even know what to do with it if I did. So in the meantime I'll patiently wait for ThisOneIsOnUs.org to piece it together in a more manageable format. These are the same people that grouped together on ETS to film the last show in Las Vegas to make an unofficial DVD which will still be completed even though there's all this other "unofficial" *wink, wink* new footage coming from the NIN camp. I think I'll be picking up a copy of each of their editing efforts. Hell, I might even volunteer to help make copies.

I'm always curious and concerned with the legal side of things when Trent does stuff like this. Not that he's ever done something this massive before, but I'm talking about encouraging fans in Australia to steal his music or sneaking out "Closure" via torrents when it was caught up in corporate red tape. I mean, is playing dumb really a defense? Would the record labels have any grounds to go after him? Pardon me, I've been watching way too much "Boston Legal" lately (I've got a bit of a crush on chubby James Spader).

But let's get back to the subject at hand. You guys have heard me say it many times before but I think it bears repeating; it's good to be a NIN fan. So while the masses flood Trent's email and while I know I'll probably get my balls busted for being a fangirl, I'll still post my message here:

Thank you Trent! Thank you so much for this. You're a pretty fucking amazing guy and I'm glad that the Lights in the Sky tour will not go undocumented. It really was the most amazing stage setup I've ever seen. I don't know that this DVD will be able to capture how impressive it was but it's a start and basically all we have to work with at this point. But just because I've ineptly tried show my gratitude, doesn't mean I don't still stand by my opinion that you make for a pretty crap Santa. Christmas was two weeks ago, Mister!

Beyond that I'm at a loss for words. It's a little overwhelming. I'm sure Maise can be a bit more poetic in expressing appreciation for what Trent's doing here.

Maise, care to help me out?

/massive edit
========================================

Trent Reznor, you are a total cocktease.

1.5.09: I didn't forget

Remember that gift I mentioned?
It's almost here.

posted by trent reznor at 4:18pm

And just because you didn't forget the gift doesn't mean that you're any less of a crap Santa, Mister. Get ready to wish everyone a Merry Martin-Luther-King-Jr-mas.

LIVE!

Check it out! NIN is streaming LIVE from Buenos Aires, Argentina on 10musica.com like RIGHT NOW!

CLICK ME for streaming video.

CLICK ME for just audio.

Okay,well, the video is a little sketchy and the audio leaves much to be desired but if you click the "just audio" link it seems to be coming in great.

**EDIT**
Shows over folks but I did get a couple halfway decent screen grabs. I'm sure there will be video uploaded on YouTube by plenty of others who tuned in. I'll try to make sure to update as I find them so be sure to check back with us.


**EDIT 2.0**
So I've searched a bit for some decent quality video of this show and it does not appear to exist. I figured someone with the know how would have recorded the web broadcast but so far I've only found some shaky, in crowd cam footage. Still, if you're feeling up to it, you can see a few songs here.

Where The Hell Did You Get That?

Okay, so this afternoon Maise and I had worked out an idea to throw together a hilarious photoshop of D:Angel, Angelcat, and Trent together on their hot air balloon ride that Angelman claims to have won from filling out the survey from the previous post. In our heads it would have been really funny (picture the three of them in this balloon) but tonight my hubby has trumped us.

Hubby is always the prankster and is pretty supportive when it comes to my NIN enthusiasm. Remember a few years ago when he mowed the downward spiral into our back lawn? Yeah, I thought that was cute. But I was not prepared when he came walking through the door tonight with this:


We are now the owners of a 24" x36" (61.0 x 91.4cm for our metric friends) oil portrait of Closer's Bondage Trent, otherwise know to the artist as "Trent. Ooh, baby".

Apparently this is what happens when hubby is left on his own and has time to kill between appointments in Iowa City. He tells me he found it in some consignment shop basement behind an assortment of beer lights and other discarded pictures. For $15 he said he couldn't resist a joke and laughed when it earned him a raised eyebrow from the blue-haired old lady working the register.

I laughed my ass off when I first saw it and have been giggling all night. Not that it isn't a pretty good rendering of dear Trent (much better than anything I could come up with) but what the fuck am I supposed to do with it now? Should I go total fangirl and hang it up with a candle shelf shrine below? Ironically enough it does go with the some of the colors in my recently redecorated "home office". Or should we hold some sort of Places Parallel contest in which this will be the prize? Or should I lug it along with Maise, Ro, and I to the next NIN show we attend, in hopes that we can get The Man to come out and autograph it and then return it to the artist, E.M., as a "Surprise! Guess where this has been?"

Hmm...decisions, decisions.

Looking Back...

I know, I know. I'm late but I've finally finished working through all that was captured at Lollapalooza this year and have rounded out the individual photo galleries for the PlacesParallel Photobucket. Several of the pictures are still frames from video while recording the large side stage screens so I apologize for the less than stellar quality but I still think they're worth a looksie.

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3

A few favorites (coincidentally also my favorite acts of the weekend):

Jamie Lidell


Rage Against the Machine






Saul Williams


Nine Inch Nails










Now in searching through all this footage I found a...let's say..."interesting" bit in a video clip Mr. Iris captured. Without further ado:

It's okay, Trent. We still love you. Even if this is the gayest thing I've ever seen.

Trent was such a nice young man in the '80s...

Well, unfortunately for Trent, and hilariously for us, local TV in Cleveland during the 1980s has been preserved for the ages.

So apparently, while Trent was working on Pretty Hate Machine and starting to craft his own gothy image, he paid the bills by playing in bands like the legendary Slam Bamboo.

I know it was the '80s and all, but yowza. Just LOOK at these guys!



Don't worry...Trent isn't the lead singer here. He's hiding in the back, looking shockingly normal. In fact, he looks pretty much the same as he does RIGHT NOW--heavy on the black and leather, short hair...maybe just a bit more feathery than present-day Trent. Still, it's a departure from the hair-sprayed excess of Exotic Birds Trent, and he has a way to go before he develops the godawful dreadlocks of classic PHM Trent. He's not sporting a gold suit or bolo...really, it's a good fashion moment for Trent here. Except for the loafers with white socks:



And lest you think that Slam Bamboo was merely a one-hit wonder, here's their second hit, if you can handle it:



Actually, "Little White Lies" is probably a better song than the first one, but still. As Iris said, "being in bands like this must have given him so much fodder to be pissed at the fucking world about."

Oh, and here's a little interview with the band. The only really notable aspect of it is Trent getting called out by the host as a "nice young man," which he responds to not with a Downward Spiral-esque snarl, but a sheepish "aw shucks" grin from the dork that resides within Trent Reznor. The dork that we know and love.

Closer to Closer...

So as some of you may know, new behind-the-scenes footage of the "Closer" video has been unleashed on the Internets by the ETS folks--like a ridiculous amount of footage, 5 hours worth! Iris has been diligently downloading for DAYS now, and soon we will be in possession of all 300 glorious gothy minutes, but for now, the first four minutes can be found on YouTube, thusly:



In case you're not sure whether you should dedicate four minutes of your life to watching this video, allow me to provide color commentary:

0:02--The bald guy appears to be very personable but is still creepy.

0:08--I bet that female crew member LOVES that footage has been released revealing her butt crack. Where exactly is our cameraperson? Under a chair?

0:19--Someone is spray-painting the side of beef behind Trent.

0:39--Mmmm, Trent. Trent at his single most fuckable moment, wearing the single most fuckable leather jacket in the history of leather jackets (sorry, Dan!). OMG, he has such Pantene hair in this video! Does he realize that someone is filming him while hiding under a chair? Will he forget and absentmindedly pick his nose or scratch his balls?

1:08--Another crew member's ass. No crack visible.

1:15--The words "Nine Inch Nails" flash across the screen. Just in case you've forgotten what you're watching.

1:22--OMG, those leather pants are fucking hot too.

1:33--Trent begins to rotate on turntable thing. His arms are crossed uncomfortably behind his back.

1:42--Trent grins like a goof.

1:54--Trent is still spinning...I'd probably eventually barf on this turntable. Speaking of barfing, of which I have a major phobia, Iris and I shared this conversation on the subject:

Maise: I think Trent DID barf while making this video...I hope they don't show that.

Iris: well i can preview it for you and tell you what to avoid if they show it

Maise: Yes, please!

Iris: or if there are sound effects

Maise: I mean, although Trent barfing would be hotter than anyone else barfing, it still would make me very unhappy.

Iris: LOL! that is the most fangirl thing i've EVER heard.

2:07--We get a shot of Trent's boots. I bet those took a long time to lace up.

2:18--Trent is lip-synching. I would have a hard time just lip-synching in front of a bunch of people. I'd probably keep trying to sing along. I very nearly made a stupid Milli Vanilli joke here, but you're lucky I didn't.

2:32--Trent paws at his hair in a tortured manner.

3:08--Trent lip-synching and spinning...

3:13 or 3:14--Trent seems to almost fall off the turntable.

3:19--Trent bends down in dramatic anguish or nausea.

4:03--Trent lip-synching and spinning. Maybe I'm projecting, but he looks like he's over it.

And there you have it folks...only 4 hours and 56 minutes to go! More to come, I'm sure...

You Know What Today Is?

I Keep Slipping...

Ah...now that all that birthday jazz is out of the way I'd like to sit down and share my thoughts with you on the new NIN album "The Slip".

I've been absorbing it since it first became available to download directly from nin.com for free on May 5th. Although it was created in what seems to only be a few short weeks after the release of "Ghosts I-IV" it is an excellent album and I think it speaks volumes to the amount of talent Trent has as an artist to be able to crank something like this out so soon. Yes, I was very critical of "Echoplex" when it was first leaked on the interwebs and, while it will never be a favorite song, I see it has a definite place on this record and it has grown on me.

Now when it comes down to the music I could detach myself and play the hipster bitch role and rant about the shortcomings of this album but I cannot bring myself to it because at the end of the day I still absolutely fucking LOVE this. Trent eases us into things with “999,999”, which reminds me of “Pinion” in its slow build, and then we’re hit with a wall of noisy, almost retro feeling backbeats, dirty synths, and distorted guitars that Trent has consistently perfected from album to album and that continues to get your blood pumping, your teeth gritting, and your feet tapping. It’s non-stop from “1,000, 000” straight through to “Head Down”. The lyrics are typically dark in NIN fashion but the choruses are catchy and easily get stuck in your head (“Echoplex” included).

It should be no surprise to our regular readers that “Lights in the Sky” is my favorite song from this release but what shocked me is how it has taken the number one place of all time favorite NIN tracks, a short list that included "AATCHB" and "TDTWWA" and that I never expected to change. "LitS" is unbelievably beautiful. It consists of just a piano, Trent’s voice which is barely a whisper at times, and some of the most haunting lyrics since, dare I say it, “Hurt”. Like other songs in the NIN catalog, “LitS” could be interpreted to be about the struggle with his own drug addiction and I suppose my take on it isn't far from that theory but I hear it as a continuation to “The Fragile”. Almost as if he’s reexamining that relationship after many years of neglect. Back then he was saying “I won’t let you fall apart” which was the most endearing thing considering he was barely in any condition to take care of himself let along hold someone else’s sanity together. "She" may not have been perfect either but she was clearly some kind of rock for him and as long as she was okay he could be, too. Now, years later, he’s got his shit together but he finds that she has not survived the struggle of her own issues. He may have believed in her once but it was not enough to save her. It would seem at this point she is too far gone to bring back but he won’t leave her again. For better or worse, he’s there...

“watching you drown
i'll follow you down
and i am here right beside you
the lights in the sky
have finally arrived
i am staying right beside you”

Call it projection if you will but you cannot deny this song was meant to break your heart. Goddamn, Trent, just Goddamn.

The transition from song to song on the last half of the record is sheer perfection. "LitS" melds flawlessly into "Corona Radiata" and then to"The Four of Us Are Dying". Although “Ghosts” was arranged the way it was for a purpose, I wish it could have done what “The Slip” accomplished here. Overall it is a well balanced album from lyrical to instrumental and I'm pleased to hear it finished off with something with a little bite to it in "Demon Seed". Too often Trent ends things with a soft song which while that technique is usually great and blows your mind, it's nice have one that leaves you wanting more music and not just a dark corner to hide in.

Some have been speculating this is possibly "Year Zero: Part 2" and with the artwork released with the download it does seem there could be a puzzle to figure out. So far it is still unsolved if there is actually something there. I’m a bit skeptical that this is a continuation of the ARG. Something doesn’t feel right about it but we shall see if any “mysterious items” are found at the upcoming summer shows as happened last year when the game kicked off. I’ll leave the hunting up to other fans because I am NOT searching the port-a-potties for USB flash drives on Day 3 at Lollapalooza in August when NIN closes out the festival. A line must be drawn somewhere.

If you haven't downloaded "The Slip" yet you should get on it. Immediately! Have I mentioned it's FREE? From nin.com, Trent says:

"Thank you for your continued and loyal support over the years - this one's on me."

There are multiple options available for sound quality. There is a 216kpbs MP3 version available for immediate download which isn't too bad or Trent is also offering the higher quality versions as torrents and provides some links to a couple helpful "how to" guides for those who may not be familiar with the torrenting process. As a businessman you just have to use the technology that works and it's not exactly "illegal" if the artists himself is the one offering it up. Am I right? If you're curious about what it sounds like before you download you can check the whole album out here.

New NIN Album: The Slip!

There have been hints in the recent song releases that something was going to happen and to check back on NIN.com on May 5th. The day is here and apparently we get a whole nother album available for free download! I'm getting my copy now hopefully before the servers crash.

Get "The Slip" now!

I'm Listening to the new NIN single RIGHT NOW...

And it's a real song...with words!

The title is...I swear to God..."Discipline." And part of the chorus is...I swear to God..."I need your discipline." Ooh, dirty in a "Master and Servant" kind of way! Or at least I hope so because that would be more fun than a song about, say, addiction and relapse or something. It kind of mixes the ponderous piano of the "Ghost I-IV" tracks with the gothy disco of "Closer" or "The Big Comedown."

I'm giving it a thumbs up, as I'm sure will be no surprise to you all. But all this talk of discipline is cracking me up.

Trent, honey, what exactly do you need to be disciplined for? Did you break the vase in the hallway while rough-housing with Atticus? Have you been having trouble getting off the couch and going to the gym? (Me too!) I can totally help you out on the discipline part; I went to Catholic school for TWELVE YEARS. I know I've got a ruler around here somewhere...

So bitches and Dan, what do you think? Do you like the new song? What the hell are the lyrics? Does anyone know yet?

illustration by Zeemort

Who Says We Don't Discuss The Important Things Around Here?

My discussion with Iris, 4/2/08:

Iris: did you see that NKOTB are getting back together?
my 5th grade heart goes pitter-patter
lol


Maise: Oh man, I've got bitterness towards them because I didn't like them in junior high, which made me an outcast.


Iris: what? no love for New Kids?!?!
i don't know that we can be friends anymore.


Maise: No! And now they're all old and ugly!


Iris: lol


Maise: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!


Iris: NOOOOOOOOOOO!


Maise: I mean, who are they pitching to here? They'll scare all the little girls, and everyone our age will go, "You didn't age well."


Iris: http://www.nkotb.com/
the guy on the right looks like an asshole
i can't even remember his name
danny wood? maybe?


Maise: Yeah, I think he was danny.
I mean, the one on the far left looks good. Joey?


Iris: my dream guy was always jonathan. the second from the left
yeah. that's joey


Maise: Yeah, if I had to pick one, I would have picked Jon, but he always looked super-gay in retrospect.


Iris: but jonathan was the oldest so i don't know how old that makes him now


Maise: Jordan looks like a soccer dad.
The three to the right look like who you'd wind up with on some random online date.


Iris: jon is 40 now


Maise: LOL
That's messed up!


Iris: omg that's so bizarre that he's around the same age as trent


Maise: He's only two years younger than TRENT?


Iris: SO fucked UP!


Maise: How can that be?


Iris: YEAH!
fuck if i know


Maise: Weeeeird.


Iris: omg that's weird


Maise: I mean, Trent could have been in NKOTB!


Iris: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!


Maise: And it would have been like The Exotic Birds.
I love that old vid of him.


Iris: if the NKOTB played instruments


Maise: Because he thinks that Exotic Birds song is AWESOME.
Well, Trent can hump stuff. That's kind of like dancing.


Iris: the hair flip is AWESOME
and the intense eyes
LOL! hump stuff!


Maise: LOL

NIN's Ghosts III, Wherein JR Speaks the Truth

Okay, so Iris is all whining that Maise has deserted this place and with a whole new peachy keen NIN record in four parts that need IMMEDIATE ATTENTION and blah, blah, blah, and I’ve been railroaded into taking some time out of my already crazy busy schedule to do a review of the third movement of NIN’s Ghosts. So, as I routinely say to my boss, There ARE 24 hours in a day (why not use ‘em all?), and I set out to give it a listen and see what’s what. I’m even giving my thoughts in real time, so this review is also innovative.

This had better be good.

Reznor has something of a history of disappointing me lately.

Ghosts III – 19

• First of all, I’m not digging on the numbering system. I guess when you’ve got to turn something out as quickly as this, you don’t have time to: A. Come up with lyrics; B. Come up with song titles; C. Wait for the packaging ideas to come to you, so you just release it real cheap as a download.
• Soundtracky.
• Is this song ever going to get off the ground? I haven’t got all day. I can’t sit around and paint pictures with my mind AND make videos for this stuff for you, Trent. I already have a job. What happened to the artist being responsible for the art?

Ghosts III – 20

• I guess it’s cool that Reznor is such a fan of recycling that it includes not just plastics and newspapers, but past songs of his. “Closer”, anyone?
• This song is, like, begging for lyrics. Reznor is neglecting his own material.
• Feels like a long intro to something else.
• I like what it morphs into in the second half; more organic, less of the ball-less industrial-lite of the first half.
• The outro with piano sounds a lot like the softer parts of [With Teeth]. He must be sucking Al Gore’s dick with all of this recycling going on.

Ghosts III – 21

• Does nothing for me. Other than to make me think of Fields Of Gaffney’s “Xylophone.” So I guess that means he’s recycling other people’s stuff, too.

Ghosts III – 22

• Is that a didgeridoo?
• Trent does lite-jazz!
• I like the drum sound, though the actual drum riff sounds, shall we say, “familiar.”

Ghosts III – 23

• Finally, something that I can sink my teeth into, and that references NIN’s back catalog without sounding mired in it.
• Love the distortion. Finally.
• Okay, two thirds of the way through this song, and where is this going? Anywhere?

Ghosts III – 24

• Okay, something else that is starting out promising.
• Totally hearing the Human League influence in the keyboards.
• I think club DJs could get a lot of mileage out of this one.

Ghosts III – 25

• Tedious.

Ghosts III – 26

• zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ghosts III – 27

• zzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzzz….huh?….oh, nothing…….zzzzzzzzzz
• Well, part the underlying guitar line is reminiscent of Cheech & Chong’s “Earache My Eye”—can’t wait for that lawsuit!

I guess I would like listening to this stuff while doing yoga, or going for a walk or something. Except that I hate walking, and haven’t done a single yoga pose in three years.

This sounds, overall, like nothing more than more thought out than average demos, which seems to prove my point that this is why TR chose to release it as a download. It’s expensive to release a multi-disc “work” (and believe me, ladies and germs, I’m using the term “work” loosely), and there would probably be a backlash from people who felt ripped off. And well they should. But if you get a few dozen songs for five bucks, that makes it a little harder to complain.

In all honesty people, I don’t want it to be the case, but I think Trent is running out of ideas. Every song on here either sounds like something that he has already done or something that someone else has done. I’m not stupid enough to not realize that there aren’t really any original thoughts left in music, and it’s all about how people interpret their influences, but this is kinda like stealing Aunt Linda’s Famous Apple Pie recipe and passing it off as your own, just charging $1.50 a slice instead of $4.25. Just cause it’s a bargain and not total crap doesn’t make it good.

You know, if I wanted to carry the apple pie analogy a little further, this is not only like stealing the recipe and trying to pass it off as your own (…cough…Rachel Ray…ahem…cough…), it’s like also saying, “Well, you know, I thought maybe what you apple pie fans should do is go out and make your own ice cream to go on top of this pie. You can have a slice now, and eat it without anything on top of it, OR you can take the slice—did I mention it’s only $1.50 and that you can get it right through your computer?—and set it aside while you go to the store and get the cream, vanilla and rock salt, churn the ice cream, wait for it to set up, then scoop it out yourself and put it next to the pie I made. In fact, I’m going to have an ice cream making contest to see who comes up with the most interesting ice cream to go alongside my pie. So get churnin’!”

Yeah, it’s kind of A LOT like that.

Thanks for nothing, Reznor.

I’m sticking with GAFFNEY.

About the author: JR is known by many as the “hardest working woman in (non-profit) show biz,” a title that—along with herself—she takes very seriously. You can read more about her exploits and preferences at JR.”